In Full Color: A Heartbreaking Week, Fear is Loud, But Love is Stronger

I’m sitting at a little outdoor café in Bastrop with Nick. We just shared carne asada fries, and I’m sipping on a watermelon tajín agua fresca. It’s hot with a slight breeze, and everything feels so... normal after the intense few weeks I’ve had.

This week, one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever experienced happened: I miscarried.

I always knew miscarriage was a possibility, but I never truly believed it would become part of my story until it did. This pregnancy was the toughest chapter of my life so far, and it’s bittersweet that my first pregnancy ended in loss.

I’ll continue processing this over the coming weeks (or however long it takes), but one thing has surprised me.

Life didn’t stop.

For a little while, my life took a backseat to pregnancy. Then, after the miscarriage, I found myself slowly stepping back into it. Of course, there are moments that still catch me off guard. There are tears. There are reminders. There are things that feel bittersweet.

But there are also beautiful, ordinary moments that give me peace, presence, and hope.

Lunch outside.

Day trips and looking at homes with Nick.

Playing with Zoey.

Making dinner.

Planning little adventures.

Life has continued, and I’ve found myself continuing with it.

I’ve always been someone who processes and integrates life’s challenges fairly efficiently—not because they don’t affect me, but because I’ve spent many years doing the deep, healing work. This experience feels no different.

This pregnancy taught me three things:

1. I can do hard things.

2. Fear is loud, but love is stronger.

3. I truly live life in all the colors—from the darkest shades to the most vibrant ones.

This was also the week that life continued, with grief riding quietly beside it.

I purchased my first brand-new car—a Tesla with Full Self-Driving—and I’m so excited. I made plans with friends and Nick for the Fourth of July, dessert dates, a cake decorating class, upcoming trips, and weekends exploring the areas we’ll eventually call home. I did some work that reminded me of life outside of being a mother. I even found myself genuinely looking forward to the rest of the year.

In between all of this, Imperfectly Planned naturally took a bit of a backseat. Last weekend, while I was still pregnant, I completed a short-turnaround wedding, and it turned out to be one of my favorite weddings I’ve ever had the privilege of planning.

Moments like that remind me why I still love this work when the clients are the right fit. Over the coming weeks, I’ll be diving back into the marketing side of the business now that I’m beginning to find my footing again.

This was a brutal week.

I wish my first pregnancy had ended differently.

I wish it had ended with our baby and a new beginning. 

But since life unfolded another way, I hope to carry this chapter with me—not as something that hardened me, but as something that deepened me and also showed me what is possible.

For now, I’m simply grateful to be back in my life, experiencing it in full color.

Read the original post on Substack here.